Scary Stuff (2)

Last night, I had an "episode" of stuffy chest & diarrhea. I almost thought I had to go to ER again but John calmed me down.

John's parents are visiting us tomorrow. His oldest sister and a good fried of hers are also coming.

His sister and friend want to stay with us then borrow our car to drive to Mexico. Well, it's hard for us to say no to her for both accounts since she's always been really nice to us. But there's liability issue for lending them car to drive to foreign country. Also, our apartment is small. We don't sleep in the bedroom because we don't have a bed. We sleep on a futon in the living room. During the day, we fold up the futon to be a couch. In our bedroom, we store a lot of boxes of stuff such as winter clothes or books we own but don't need to use often. Basically, our bedroom is like a storage space with a computer desk. It is OK for one person to sleep in the bedroom (on the floor). Last year, John's oldest sister stayed with us for a few days and slept on the floor. However, for 2 people, it's very tight. Perhaps, she didn't remember that well and thought 2 people could fit in there. Well, we don't know her friend that well. So, that's the main thing I don't want them to stay with us. But we can't say no. Well, she called us and said they'd rent a car but still want to stay with us (total 4~5 nights). John and I talked it over and decided to let them stay over for the weekend but difficult for weekdays since we still need to go to work.

The truth is I can't deal with that many people in our small space. I feel losing privacy that way plus they can't be very comfortable. If we had 2 bedrooms, I wouldn't mind 2 or 3 guests staying over.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm so stressed out about this but I think it contributes to my anxiety issue / heart condition. Last night we went out to buy a few cleaning supplies and after we got home, I started to have weird feelings. I felt really stuffy around my chest like someone put heavy stuff on it and even around my throat. I also had diarrhea since yesterday afternoon. Then I got really scared thinking my heart condition possible gotten worse. I started feeling cold and shivering. Then I was in tears.

John was pretty confident that my heart should be fine but the unknown anxiety had caused all the symptoms. He read descriptions on the Internet to me and talked to me for a while. Finally, I calmed down and felt better.

I hate to see myself become that way. There are just things I'm not aware of...

Well, I'm always strong. Probably too strong and try to take care of everything myself. I don't show much emotion in public or social occasions. Sometimes it's good to release frustrations, like yelling or punching pillows. But I can never bring myself to do those things. Perhaps I have cumulated too much stress inside not even knowing.

Notes:

When I went to Urgent Care center to check up for heart palpitations, I wasn't scared or anything. I just thought I'd better get checked.

But this "episode" resembles classic panic attack. I don't know if it could be described as "out of the blue" because I've noticed heart palpitations for a while and I became too concerned of the conditions, I guess.